𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒆𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒆𝒕 𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆 —𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑜

[demainvient]

 
𝐔𝐧 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐣𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐢 𝐝𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞̀𝐬 𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐢
𝑈𝑛 𝑗𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑗𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑖 𝑡𝑜𝑢𝑡, 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒̂𝑡𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑐 𝑡𝑜𝑖
 

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[demainvient]

[ His hand is gripping the pistol so tight it hurts, the dream of Verso closing its fingers around his, but the other hand, the one at his cheek, is so gentle and shaking so fervently it's almost like lying back in that garden again, the way he sometimes did when he couldn't stand it any longer, when he'd go up and lie back, looking up at the ivy, breathing in the flowers, feeling the breeze sift through his hair. When he closed his eyes, he could almost pretends it was Verso's fingers and not just an errant, playful gust.

Mon chou. That sweet endearment Verso had murmured and teased him with, that had hurt so much to remember. Gustave turns his head to kiss the thumb tracing over his lips, to press another, gentler kiss into the palm he wishes really where there at his cheek. ]

How I would love to hear you play again.

[ He knows now, at least, at last, those few bars of music Verso had left for him all those months ago: it had required a little bit of a ruse, but he'd finally heard it, plucked from the strings of Lune's guitar a year or so ago. It had been lovely. But it hadn't been Verso playing it, and he knew he never would hear Verso playing it.

But sometimes he would try to imagine it: to picture Verso back there on the concert hall stage, his hands moving gracefully over the keys. He would hum the tune and do his best to pretend it was a sweeter, clearer sound than his own voice and think about the bouquet he would have brought to make him laugh. That amused voice that lives in his dreams, so different from the one he's conjuring up now. Please, Gustave.

He swallows, turning back to the dream of a man he'll never see again, and wants so badly to lean forward, to brush his lips over his, and to believe it's really real. ]

They're all gone.

[ His voice a whisper, his hand relaxing in Verso's and his arm softening, no longer so stubbornly bent on bringing the gun back to his temple, though he doesn't let the pistol dissolve into nothing. The eyes that meet those desperate, clear, fog-colored ones are dark and empty of everything but bewildered pain. ]

Lucien, Alan, Margot.

[ His throat works as he slides a glance to his right, tears trickling from the corner of his eyes, cutting muted lines through the blood and grime on his face. ]

Catherine.

Everyone... everyone is gone.

[versorecto]

[ That gentle deep and aching yearning in Gustave's voice, in his eyes, when he talks about wanting to hear him play -- putain, Verso really is the worst type of person, to have left him. He had no choice, but maybe he could've done more to make him understand, or maybe he should've done less so that Gustave would've forgotten him before long. In the two years since, Verso had a fervor of playing the piano more than he had in years right after returning from Lumiere, but as the time wore it faded away again -- its' been months, mabe a full year. Playing made him miss having someone to hear it. He's grown used to plucking a flower or two every time he passes a field, especially those with purple flowers, keeping them somewhere and watching them slowly wilt away.

Any part of him that would feel some quiet happiness from knowing that Gustave had thought of him just as much is drowned under the weight of guilt for the obvious pain its caused him. But right now, at least, when he looks at him, when he thinks he's looking at a version of him that's he's imagined for himself out of desperation or yearning or both -- it seems like Gustave gets a real comfort from seeing him. From hearing him.

The least he can do is to use that to keep him alive. God, after all this time, and thinking he might've even already been gone -- he doesn't want to lose him again.

He can feel the tension wound in Gustave's arm start to relax. Giving in, just a little -- or at least keeping it at bay. Delaying it a while longer. Verso will take it. He places a steady pressure on his arm, slowly tries to urge him to lower the gun -- pointed away from him, away from anyone, just. Put it down. Stop holding onto it so tightly. Gustave starts listing off names, and he nods. He doesn't know each one. But he doesn't have to. ]

I know. I know. [ His other hand is still trembling, thumbing over his cheek, drawing him in as he brushes a kiss against his lips, his cheek, his jaw. ] I know. I'm sorry. They're gone.

[ He doesn't know if all the names Gustave are listing are gone. But judging by the bodies he'd had to go through on the beach to find him. And this woman, beside him -- Catherine. His grip firms a little over Gustave's jaw to guide his head back, to look at him and not the body beside him, or the bodies behind him, or everywhere else, swaying forward to press a kiss to his lips and then staying close. ]

But you're not alone.

[ There are other tracks. Other trails. Gustave has him, of course, but whether or not he can stay, whether or not Gustave can wake up enough from his shock and his grief to realize the man in front of him might be real -- he'll follow any trail he can find as far as he can, to find what remains of his Expedition. He'll do anything, right now. ]

Maelle -- [ shit, he probably shouldn't have said that, but the regret passes in an instant. Putain, this is more important. ] -- Maelle is safe. You will see her again. You will see me again, I'm promising you this.

[ His trembling hand slides from his cheek to the back of his neck. Pulling him a bit closer as he leans forward, pressing their foreheads together. ]

Can you trust me in that, Gustave?

[demainvient]

[ They're gone, all of them, all his friends, all his teammates, Alan and Margot and Lune and Catherine and Lucien and Sciel and so many others. All of them. He doesn't quite manage to turn his head enough to see Catherine again, but he gets a glimpse of dark blonde hair and glazed blue eyes and remembers her drinking wine and laughing before that hand at his chin redirects him, pulls him to face forward again. Verso — his dream of Verso — brushes kisses over his mouth, his cheek, his jaw, and he feels them in a daze, because he's lying, of course. ]

It's only me left.

[ It's only him left, because everyone else is gone. And... ]

And you aren't really here.

[ Even if he were conscious of it, he wouldn't be able to hide the heartbreak in those words. Verso is gone, gone, gone, probably Gommaged years ago, maybe even the year after the last time they saw each other. His monsieur le pianiste, so vibrant and alive and so enchantingly, heartbreakingly beautiful, has been gone for so long. Gustave's lashes flutter as his lids lower, flickering, before he looks back up at Verso with naked longing etched across his face. His voice comes quickly, words tumbling over themselves, broken. ]

If you were... if you were... I could tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep you a little longer. I know it was selfish.

[ Selfish and desperate, chasing that feeling that he hadn't felt in so long... but it had been clear from the start that Verso couldn't, or wouldn't stay. The guilt from that, from knowing he'd made it that much harder for Verso to go, has been quietly eating at him for months on end. They'd had something beautiful, and it hadn't lasted, and maybe it couldn't last, he doesn't know, but he knows... he knows he regrets the way he said goodbye.

His arm hasn't totally lowered, his hand hasn't completely relaxed, but he feels — or thinks he feels — Verso's forehead pressing against his; feels the puff of his breath against his lips. Is this dream a boon or a curse? Maybe he's decided to be cruel to himself, to send him this particular ghost.

And yet his hand stills, lowers another few inches at the words he thinks he hears. ]

Maelle?

[ Maelle— he'd lost track of her on the beach. She's gone, too, they're all gone, and it's with an almost pathetic hopefulness that he parrots the name back now, his limping heart lurching into life again. ]

I... I'm just telling myself that. All of this. Please, I just, I... I failed her. I know I did. And you—

[ His metal left hand lifts, palms the face he's seen so often in his dreams, gentle despite his despair. ]

Mon cher, have you come to return my heart? Do you forgive me?

[versorecto]

[ Verso has spent too much time these past two years thinking about Gustave. In a hundred little ways, things that remind him of him, a thought of how he could have said something better, a way that he could have spared him some pain or made something between them work. He's also thought about what it was about the man he really did find so enchanting, just how and why the stranger he'd watched for years but only known for a few hours had managed to calmly stroll past his most fiercely guarded walls and carve a place for himself within.

He reached many different answers. All of them, he thinks, at least a little true. But the one he keeps coming back to most of all, was what he remembers calling disarming in his head. Gustave is a man like any other, must have his secrets, his own walls, the things he will not say or cross. But in the way he looked at him so earnest, so open, inviting him in -- Verso could not help but sink in. To a man who lives that way, someone he doesn't even dare to think to want to be because he doesn't understand what it would mean. Someone he could never be.

And here. In awful circumstances -- the stench of blood and decay thick in the air, Gustave utterly alone in his despair, talking to ghosts and teetering on the edge ( Verso is so afraid he's making things worse, but he knows if he hadn't been here, Gustave may already have been gone ). He's just as earnest here. In what he believes are the fading last images of his mind, all he can think to do is to pour his heart out and try desperately to make peace with guilt he's carried with him these past years. And for what? Not saying goodbye to a man who tore his heart out and left it to bleed?

It would be infuriating how open he is, if it weren't taking Verso's already broken heart and shattering it further.

And -- he can't help himself. There are things he never thought he'd say. But he's searching for anything, anything to keep him here, to make it so he doesn't have to lose him again when he's here on the Continent and he could keep watching him and keep him close for all the time he has left, to pull him back from the brink. A man that good, who shines so brightly, deserves at least that. ]

I'm here.

[ He says it, but it's weak. He hears the way Gustave's mind is circling, cycling, doesn't think he can change his mind there. So he just -- talks. ]

-- There is nothing to forgive you for. Mon chou. [ His voice is halting, sentences broken. He feels like he's speaking through lungs filled with water, like he's struggling not to drown as he talks. He tastes the salt sting of his own tears at the corners of his mouth. ] There are -- a lot of reasons I couldn't stay with you in Lumiere. That I knew you would hate me for. And if I was stronger, I would not have hurt you the way I did.

But I couldn't help myself, Gustave. You made me feel -- a way I haven't, in in over fifty -- in over fifty years. [ He's saying too much. He's saying too much. But he can't -- if Gustave is dying here, if he can't pull him from the brink, then at least maybe he can die knowing more of the truth. And even then, not all of it. Even then, Verso thinks bitterly to himself, there are still lies and lies and lies. ] And I treasured that. I still do. I don't regret it except for how it's hurt you.

[ His head is spinning. His lungs seem to fill even more. His grip is still too-tight over Gustave's, over the gun. His other hand clutches desperately at Gustave's metal one, clutching it closer to his face. Afraid of letting go.

Too much about himself. Something else. He needs -- he needs to try everything. ]

Maelle. Please believe me, I would not lie to you about her. [ He would. He did. He is still lying. But -- he would not lie about this. She is safe and well. ] I did what I could for her, and then I came back for you.

If you cannot stay for me, mon cher fleuriste, then please. For her.

And --

[ He clutches that hand closer. His heart is beating so loud in his chest that he swears Gustave could feel it, that he swears he feels like every dead heart in this room is beating with his own pulse. ]

If you cannot stay. Then I --

-- Please. Wait for me.

[ Wait for the Monolith. Wait for all this to end. Wait for the end that he will lead Maelle too without her knowing. Wait for Lumiere to have the happiest day its ever known, a celebration of life that can go on without end, freedom from the shadow of the Paintress that has stolen every future from them for generations on end --

Wait for when Verso, too, can finally be free. And when everyone gets washed away, they could find each other then. ]

[demainvient]

[ I'm here. The cruelest lie of them all, and it would be crueler still of it were true, wouldn't it? He's just seen all of his friends cut down, he's lost Sophie again, the Expedition is over before it could even really begin. If Verso truly were here... he would be dead, too.

He goes on, speaking haltingly in that voice Gustave could never manage to rip from his dreams, his memory, saying impossible things... Gustave can't follow them all, but does he need to? They aren't real, and yet he's made this dream of Verso weep, tears collecting at the corners of his mouth. When Gustave leans to gently kiss them away, Verso tastes like the sea. ]

Verso. You made me come alive again.

[ He loved Sophie. He loves Sophie still, is still mourning her death even now, deep beneath the shock of the last day. He had wanted a life, a family with Sophie, and that dream had died. And then there had been Verso.

You barely know me, the man had said, and that had been true, but it hadn't mattered, he hadn't cared at all; he'd simply known. He could have loved Verso, too. Maybe already had started to, swayed by his smiles and teasing and the heat in his eyes and the warmth of his touch... he'd filled a place inside him Gustave hadn't even known was empty.

Now he cradles Verso's face in his metal hand and tries to find a smile for him, small and adoring as he brushes his lips over the mouth that tastes and feels so real that for a moment he almost could believe his own lie. ]

The hurt was worth it, to have had you for even a moment.

[ But Verso won't simply let him say goodbye, won't kiss him and drift away into nothingness. He keeps arguing, keeps talking, his hand firm on Gustave's, and for the first time, a tiny frown appears between Gustave's brows, the smallest flickering of doubt. Maelle, again; it hits center mass, hard as a Nevron punch. ]

Maelle.

[ If she... if she really is safe somewhere, alive, then he can't, he can't, he can't abandon her. He searches the face before him, Verso's face, this face he's somehow lovingly crafted out of memory and pure want, and for the first time wonders a little at the desperation in that voice. Is it really only his own mind trying to absolve him? Or is something here really at work trying to save him?

His hand twitches under Verso's, then opens, fingers falling loose, the pistol fluttering away in sparks of chroma. As if in a dream, he reaches his now empty hand to cradle the other side of Verso's face, thumb wiping at a damp tear-track that runs down his cheek. It's not real. It couldn't be real. And yet he reaches for the man anyway, his own heart breaking at the desperation in that voice. His own desperation; it has to be. ]

I've wanted to see you again for so long, mon beau Verso.

[versorecto]

[ Verso both hates ( and maybe loves ) how much Gustave clearly means that. How even here at the brink of death with a gun pressed to his own head, ready and willing to step off the edge into nothing, speaking of all the pain and heartbreak he's lived for the past two years for chasing after shadow of a man -- Gustave says it was worth it, and he's telling the truth. And Verso's heart could soar from that alone, from knowing someone really does think of him so highly, if it weren't dropping like a stone from the same revelation, from the weight of every secret that Gustave couldn't possibly know.

Gustave smiles through the dirt and blood, leans forward to just barely kiss him, and Verso just wants wants to take that smile, adoring as it is, and shield it from the world.

But then, there's what really brings Gustave back. Maelle.

He nods when he echoes her name, when he studies his face -- searching for the truth. Maybe more trying to tell if he's real rather than tell if he's lying, but Verso meets it all the same, because its true that Maelle is safe and it's truer still that she needs him. Verso is squeezing his hand tight again -- and then finally, finally. in a little shower of chroma sparks, the pistol vanishes. Verso feels something in his entire body unwind, not completely relax, there's still too much ehre at stake, but the relief is real, and --

His attempt to get his thoughts on track onto the plan at large falls away, because Gustave is touching him so gently, thumbing away dried tears. Mon beau. Verso laughs, and it sounds slightly broken, choked on tears, part genuine amusement and fondness at the term and part relief from everything now that the pistol is gone. ]

I -- I'm sorry. I never asked when you would Gommage. [ He closes his eyes, leaning into his hand. ] I was too afraid to know, then too afraid to go back and find you -- gone.

[ A little shudder runs through him. Seeing Gustave with the Expedition ship today had moved through him like a thunder crash. ]

But I'm here, mon chéri. [ A breathless smile, eyes open again. Nicknames for nicknames. And if Gustave won't believe he's real, then: ] You will see me again.

[ He will. Maybe not -- very soon. Depending on how things are. But he will see him again. ]

[demainvient]

[ His mind is being kind to him, he thinks, giving him so many reasons why Verso couldn't come find him again, giving him this vision of Verso in the first place. It's such a comfort, gazing at that face he recalls so clearly, feeling his touch again, gentle and firm and a little aggressive, just like he remembers. His glance shifts up and to the side, to the spot in Verso's dark hair where he'd slipped that second flower, and he lifts his hand to gently thread his fingers through those dark waves, tucking them back over the shell of his ear, seeing purple petals appearing there as clearly as he sees Verso himself. ]

I never did find anyone else to give flowers.

[ Except Sophie, and he thinks Verso would understand: the Gommage, a lost love, a last chance at reconciliation, a last few stolen moments together. His lifted hand curves against Verso's face, the tips of his fingers still lost in the thick soft waves of his hair. ]

None of them were you. Mon monsieur le pianiste.

[ And so he'd spent the last two years of his life working, enjoying his time with Maelle and Emma and his friends, planning for this very Expedition... his breath catches, his brow furrows, his glance tries to slide sidelong to Catherine again. Gone, all gone. They're all dead, and so is he, no matter what this vision is trying to tell him. ]

... I'll bring you flowers. When I find you again. Flowers for your music.

[ Now his hand is the one that trembles, his thumb shaking as it carefully, lightly touches the corner of Verso's mouth. ]

For your smile. For everything I've wanted to tell you since the garden.

[ There's so much he's wanted to say to this man over the last two years, all of it locked away deep inside him. Absurd, perhaps idiotic, to have let him burrow so deep on the strength of a chance meeting, a rescue, a passionate tumble in the sunlight, but Verso had stolen his heart as easily as another man might shake his hand. He'd done his best to deny it, even while Emma watched him with narrowed, suspicious eyes, but it hadn't been of any use.

He's grateful for that, now. For this last chance. ]

....Yes. I'll see you again.

I'll see you again.

[ If not in this life, then maybe the next one. ]

[versorecto]

[ Verso leans into Gustave's touch, immediately recognizes the way he tucks some locks of hair back over his ear -- wonders if Gustave is seeing that gentle flower there, in his imagination. The same one Verso has kept pressed between the pages of his journal, still a little wilted and faded but kept preserved the only way he knew how.

Gustave has clearly thought about him so much, in these years past, so much of it just falling from his lips now, eager to tell what he thinks is someone in his mind's eye, and. It all hurts to hear, but Verso can listen, wants to listen, can at least do so much for him after hurting him so deeply.

For everything he wants to tell him, Gustave says. And Verso wants to stay. He wants to stay here with him the way he didn't at that garden, at the opera house, protect him as he comes back to his senses, see the look in his eyes ( hopefully more amazement than horror but -- who can tell ) as he slowly realizes the man in front of him is real, after all. But just like before, he can't stay. He shouldn't stay.

At least now he'll always be near. And that promise -- that promise will be a true one.

Carefully, he covers Gustave's hand over his face with his own, curving callused fingers over Gustave's where he's touching delicately at the corner of his mouth. Taking hold of his hand, gentle and affectionate, pulling it more fully towards his mouth so he can press a kiss over his knuckles, lips brushing over cuts and scrapes. ]

You will.

[ Just a murmured affirmation. This is a promise, Gustave. He will keep it. ]

Listen to me, mon chou. You aren't alone. [ There has to be other survivors nearby. He will find them, and guide their path here. This awful pit of death is -- not a pleasant place to be, but the nevrons don't tend to come in here, either, and it's a safe enough spot for him to sit a while and try to regain his senses, easy enough for Verso to keep some tabs on him while he does his best to find someone, anyone else that lived. ] Rest a while, but not for too long. Once someone finds you, you should press on.

Keep pressing on, and you'll find Maelle. You'll find me.

[ He squeezes over Gustave's hand, looking back at him. He doesn't think he can do what Gustave does, just show a thousand things in his eyes alone, open up his heart and soul to show him everything he feels -- but he hopes Gustave can see this. That he means it. That they will see each other again. That he's so, so sorry for everything, for every hurt he's caused -- but that never forgot him, either, these past two years, and that just seeing him again is making something ache so painfully and so sweetly he doesn't know how to put words to it at all. His monsieur le fleuriste. ]

Promise me? [ A quiet murmur. He knows what he has to do, but he's still a little afraid to leave him, again, again, again. ] That you will do this, for me.

That you will continue.

[ The way of the Expedition, the mission he himself helped form, all those decades ago. ]

[demainvient]

[ This vision of Verso keeps talking, murmuring to him, telling him he isn't alone — he is, he is, he's never been so alone in his whole life — telling him to keep going, brushing kisses he can barely feel over his battered hand. Everything still feels so distant, even as he gazes into those intent eyes, clear and full of so many things he can only barely begin to interpret. An apology, he thinks. That desperation still, trying to pull a promise Gustave isn't sure he can make out of him.

His own eyes close and squeeze, brows dragging together as his lips press, exhausted misery etching itself over his face. He doesn't... want to continue, to press on. Without the others, without Maelle, he doesn't know how he fits into this world anymore.

And even this dream of a man who hasn't seen in years is leaving him, again. He can hear it in his voice, feel it in his touches, the kisses he presses onto Gustave's limp hand. If it were really Verso asking, could he do it? If not for himself, then for him? For the possibility of Maelle, somewhere further along?

His eyes are still closed, he's still so tired, he feels like his body belongs to someone else, but he nods once, jerkily, before a fresh sting of tears trickle slowly from the corner of his eye. He doesn't want to. He wants to stay here and join Catherine, all the others. His hand twitches, remembering the feel of his pistol in his palm.

But he nods all the same, miserable and clinging to the low, murmured words of whatever part of him is left that wants to save himself. ]

.... I promise.

[versorecto]

[ Verso's fingers card through his hair, so gentle its like he thinks Gustave isn't real and could vanish into thin air if he touches him the wrong way. Even something like this, the feel of those curls parting through his fingers, is something that he missed, something that makes him ache. He's leaving again, he has to, and and he can see that Gustave understands that, believes that the shadow of the man he's so desperately yearned for all these years is going to disappear, just like he always has.

And he can see it. Gustave is tired. Everyone is gone. Even with the pistol dissipated from his hand, he could call it again -- it wasn't just the moment before, in a crushing fleeting breath of despair. The despair is still here, suffocating him down. and he thinks that even if Gustave is making him that promise -- promising himself, as he must believe -- he might not keep it.

Verso sees himself in it. He tried drowning himself, once. The water was everywhere, filled his lungs, everything ached and he couldn't breathe. His entire world was on fire as his body screamed for air, as his limbs struggled against the pressure of the ocean around him. And something awful, something deep, something loving and kind with her claws dug straight into his heart, would never let him go. It hurts. It always does. And to see even a faint mirror of what that feels like in someone else, in someone like Gustave --

He takes a deep breath. This is for the best. He may not have known Gustave for very long, but he's watched him for years. He knows how much Maelle means to him, knows how much he means to her. She is alive, she will need him, and Verso has to trust that this is the right thing to do. He thumbs away the freshly fallen tears, leans close to kiss him again. ]

Thank you.

Just hold on a little longer, Gustave. I want you to hear me play, again.

[ And with that, like he has before, and with no less pain -- he slowly stands up, and pulls away. He doesn't go too far, at first, too afraid to leave, watching Gustave from the shadows just to make sure he doesn't immediately call the pistol to his hand again -- but when enough time has passed. He'll do his best. Checking through the woods and field outside, swinging back to check on Gustave again, leaving to expand his search a little wider.

Surprisingly, it doesnt take him too long to find someone -- a woman, floating a good few inches of the ground, no wonder he'd lost her damn trail. The rush of relief ( that he isn't lying to Gustave after all, that he isn't alone, there's someone left aside from Maelle, that Gustave has a reason to continue -- ) is palpable, and with some noise and sound and deliberately laid tracks, he directs her towards that desperately lonely cave, echoing with the loss of a thousand Expeditioners before them. ]