[The grip on his wrist tightens, keeping his hand against her face even as she shakes her head. Her eyes are clear when she meets his, unblinking in their certainty.]
You don't apologize. You were--you did everything right. Everything. With me, the expedition, the... that day. [Even if he didn't keep his promise. Even if he didn't run. So often the dead were looked upon with a kindness they may not have deserved in life, as if being dead washed away their shortcomings and sins and ugly parts. But Gustave had none of that. His only flaw was that he was mortal.
It all happened so fast. No goodbyes, as he said. Renoir took that from them. Renoir took him from her in the worst possible way.]
[ And he tried. Even with no hope left, he'd tried, sword in his weakening hand as his eyesight failed and his legs faltered, his uniform saturated with his own blood. He'd asked questions, seeking out information even as his breath labored. He'd stood there, between her and the white-haired man who meant death, and looked his doom in the face, and tried.
But all he'd managed to do was to leave her alone with him. ]
[Oh, Gustave. What little composure she's claws together threatens to crumble when he speaks like that. Her fingers dig into his wrist, eyes squeezing shut as she nuzzles her cheek against his palm, his pain a blade in her chest.]
You did. Please, don't think you didn't. You did.
[Verso stepped in once Gustave fell, but would he have been there in time had Gustave not challenged Renoir? She thinks about the cliff regularly. How powerless she felt and how she begged and screamed to no avail and how Gustave's corpse was left so indignantly on the rock, the light behind his eyes gone. It was so much worse than the Gommage. It was a nightmare she hoped to wake from, but couldn't.]
You've never let me down. Not ever. That's still true.
[ Her pain cracks across her face like the lightning he used to call down from the sky, just as sharp and just as wrenching. The last thing he wants to do is hurt her.
He'd known he had no chance, but what else could he do? He couldn't leave her there. He couldn't turn away from the man who had slaughtered his friends. He'd gone to his death knowing it would give her seconds, only. He'd bought each one of them so dearly. ]
You got away. You're safe. That's all I care about.
[ The shell of him that was left behind, slowly turning to stone like all the other expeditioners who fall along the path... maybe it will stay there forever, the sea breeze tugging lightly at the waves of his hair, the hem of his uniform, the only motion now left to the body that lies crumpled there. The rest of him, the part that mattered, Maelle laid to rest there beneath the tree in that calm, peaceful valley. ]
[That part of him, that protectiveness and selflessness, is what a good father should be, she thinks. She looks at him with a watery smile. There's some morbid comedy about Verso's father taking away her father, but she can't think of that monster when she's looking at Gustave's face. Here, he seems less tired. Less burdened. Even when sad, there's a peace to him, and she hopes to remember it forever along with his goodness and love.]
I'm the luckiest person in all the world. Not everyone got you as a brother and a father.
[ He had been happy, being there with Maelle as she grew up, having evenings and weekends and holidays with her and Emma, the little family he'd loved so much. It's one of the reasons he'd decided he wanted children after all, after helping her negotiate her way from childhood into teendom.
He wishes he could see the woman she'll become. ]
Do you remember when you first came to stay with us, and I would come read by your bedside to help you fall asleep?
[ His voice, as low and soothing as he could make it as he read from whatever was on hand: storybooks, sometimes; newspapers at others. Once in a while he'd even use some of his engineering texts: a surefire way to put her to sleep quickly. ]
[Previous families had tried to read to her, but Gustave made it feel comfortable and safe. Even if the threat of nightmares frightened her, she would look forward to whatever bedtime story he would have. Eventually, it felt like his constant and consistent presence before sleep took her chased the worst of the nightmares away.]
Those were some of my favorite moments, too. Even if I would dream of thermodynamics.
[The textbooks were sometimes the best because he was so invested in them.]
You read to me like you'd been doing it my whole life.
And in the morning, at breakfast, you'd try to act like your neck wasn't stiff.
[They were both younger, then, but she noticed. It's a memory that makes her feel warm, like the blanket he'd tuck around her before settling in to read. If she ever lived to have children of her own, she would do the same for them. She would want to be everything Gustave was, because in her eyes, he was perfect.]
[Maelle smiles as well, breathing out a laugh. No, never to her. Raising her couldn't have always been easy, but he never let her see his frustrations. He never made her feel like a burden. She only ever felt wanted, for the first time in her life, and it's a feeling she still carries with her.]
I liked you being there. You kept me safe, even back then. I think that's when you felt most like a father to me. You were always so patient.
[ It was what drove him on the continent, a need to keep Maelle safe, to get her home, somewhere all the terrors of that place couldn't threaten her any longer. ]
[ He smiles, and reaches for one of her hands to bring it to his lips, kissing her fingers they way he would when she was small and he would pretend she was a princess to make her laugh. His mustache and stubble brush rough-soft over the delicate skin of her knuckles. ]
[He was always the best to play with, when she was younger and loved make-believe. He was the most inventive whether it came to building castles out of blankets and chairs, or elaborate plotlines that distracted her from her sad orphan beginning. She would give anything to relive those days. To cherish them properly.]
Yeah. You'd better recognize me still, Gustave.
[A year, nine, eighty. He'll forever be 32 while time passes for her.
The hand he kissed reaches out to brush her fingers over his cheek, the scruff of his beard. She has a hundred memories of her cheek against his, her hair getting caught. So many hugs and embraces and moments she'll continue to miss terribly.]
Did you know? I used to hate my red hair. I always wished it was brown, like yours. It made it obvious we weren't related.
[Her eyes are bright from tears, and now amusement. She runs her thumb against the scruff. The memory is as clear as yesterday. He had looked like a completely different man. And not in a good way.]
Oof. You walked down the stairs and scared me. Surprised I didn't start bawling, really.
[ He's laughing now, for real, happy to play the fool and coax her into smiles and happier memories. He remembers it, too — how he remembers it, he doesn't know, but perhaps they're just her memories sifting in through the mind she's created for this dream — the way her eyes had locked onto him, startled, and then widened in horror. ]
[Maybe, maybe not, but she laughs. The childhood he gave her made up for the years that came before. Her other hand lifts to press to Gustave's other cheek--sandwiching his face between her hands.]
Yeah. This is what I want to remember. You're always so... silly, despite everything. I think you made me laugh every single day we had together.
[Such a silly face. Sillier still, when she gives a little smoosh.]
More than a little. Give yourself some credit.
[Without him, she knows she would be a sorry shadow of the person she is now. She worries, somewhat, about what she'll become without him, but maybe if she keeps the memory of moments like these close to her heart, she'll be okay.]
[He's a clown. It's what won Maelle over so easily--Gustave never took himself too seriously. He loved to create and be imaginative and joke. Anything to make her laugh. She drops her hands to his shoulders, not wanting to pull them away entirely, as if he might disappear if she lets go again.]
All those times I was supposed to be helping her with the chores and you would sneak me off to your workshop.
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no subject
Date: 2025-05-15 02:28 am (UTC)[The grip on his wrist tightens, keeping his hand against her face even as she shakes her head. Her eyes are clear when she meets his, unblinking in their certainty.]
You don't apologize. You were--you did everything right. Everything. With me, the expedition, the... that day. [Even if he didn't keep his promise. Even if he didn't run. So often the dead were looked upon with a kindness they may not have deserved in life, as if being dead washed away their shortcomings and sins and ugly parts. But Gustave had none of that. His only flaw was that he was mortal.
It all happened so fast. No goodbyes, as he said. Renoir took that from them. Renoir took him from her in the worst possible way.]
Nothing is your fault.
alexa find the 'try not to cry' meme
Date: 2025-05-15 02:38 am (UTC)[ And he tried. Even with no hope left, he'd tried, sword in his weakening hand as his eyesight failed and his legs faltered, his uniform saturated with his own blood. He'd asked questions, seeking out information even as his breath labored. He'd stood there, between her and the white-haired man who meant death, and looked his doom in the face, and tried.
But all he'd managed to do was to leave her alone with him. ]
All I wanted was for you to be safe and happy.
just when i thought i was done crying over this thread
Date: 2025-05-15 02:51 am (UTC)You did. Please, don't think you didn't. You did.
[Verso stepped in once Gustave fell, but would he have been there in time had Gustave not challenged Renoir? She thinks about the cliff regularly. How powerless she felt and how she begged and screamed to no avail and how Gustave's corpse was left so indignantly on the rock, the light behind his eyes gone. It was so much worse than the Gommage. It was a nightmare she hoped to wake from, but couldn't.]
You've never let me down. Not ever. That's still true.
[It will remain forever true, now.]
just weeping forever over them
Date: 2025-05-15 03:13 am (UTC)He'd known he had no chance, but what else could he do? He couldn't leave her there. He couldn't turn away from the man who had slaughtered his friends. He'd gone to his death knowing it would give her seconds, only. He'd bought each one of them so dearly. ]
You got away. You're safe. That's all I care about.
[ The shell of him that was left behind, slowly turning to stone like all the other expeditioners who fall along the path... maybe it will stay there forever, the sea breeze tugging lightly at the waves of his hair, the hem of his uniform, the only motion now left to the body that lies crumpled there. The rest of him, the part that mattered, Maelle laid to rest there beneath the tree in that calm, peaceful valley. ]
i need to hydrate after threading with you, you monster 💖😭
Date: 2025-05-15 03:34 am (UTC)[That part of him, that protectiveness and selflessness, is what a good father should be, she thinks. She looks at him with a watery smile. There's some morbid comedy about Verso's father taking away her father, but she can't think of that monster when she's looking at Gustave's face. Here, he seems less tired. Less burdened. Even when sad, there's a peace to him, and she hopes to remember it forever along with his goodness and love.]
I'm the luckiest person in all the world. Not everyone got you as a brother and a father.
[Sorry, Emma.]
I was put here to torment you, specifically
Date: 2025-05-15 10:57 pm (UTC)[ He laughs, ducking his head before looking back up at her. ]
That's true. Only you can boast that particular unique relationship with me.
[ Father, brother — does it matter which? In the end, he was her family when she needed one. And she was his. ]
That makes me pretty lucky, too, I think.
#blessed
Date: 2025-05-16 01:37 am (UTC)[It's fine. Everyone has broken, cobbled together families. They were simply one another's family, and how special that is.]
I could tell you were happy. I never once doubted if you regretted taking me in.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-16 11:32 pm (UTC)[ He had been happy, being there with Maelle as she grew up, having evenings and weekends and holidays with her and Emma, the little family he'd loved so much. It's one of the reasons he'd decided he wanted children after all, after helping her negotiate her way from childhood into teendom.
He wishes he could see the woman she'll become. ]
Do you remember when you first came to stay with us, and I would come read by your bedside to help you fall asleep?
[ His voice, as low and soothing as he could make it as he read from whatever was on hand: storybooks, sometimes; newspapers at others. Once in a while he'd even use some of his engineering texts: a surefire way to put her to sleep quickly. ]
Those were some of my favorite moments.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-17 04:22 am (UTC)[Previous families had tried to read to her, but Gustave made it feel comfortable and safe. Even if the threat of nightmares frightened her, she would look forward to whatever bedtime story he would have. Eventually, it felt like his constant and consistent presence before sleep took her chased the worst of the nightmares away.]
Those were some of my favorite moments, too. Even if I would dream of thermodynamics.
[The textbooks were sometimes the best because he was so invested in them.]
You read to me like you'd been doing it my whole life.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-17 03:00 pm (UTC)[ He squints thoughtfully, exaggerated. ]
Slightly better, anyway.
Emma would come and find me dozing in that chair at your bedside.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-18 04:28 pm (UTC)[They were both younger, then, but she noticed. It's a memory that makes her feel warm, like the blanket he'd tuck around her before settling in to read. If she ever lived to have children of her own, she would do the same for them. She would want to be everything Gustave was, because in her eyes, he was perfect.]
You never complained.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-18 11:42 pm (UTC)[ But he's teasing, his smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. ]
I liked being there with you.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-19 12:11 am (UTC)I liked you being there. You kept me safe, even back then. I think that's when you felt most like a father to me. You were always so patient.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-20 12:51 am (UTC)[ It was what drove him on the continent, a need to keep Maelle safe, to get her home, somewhere all the terrors of that place couldn't threaten her any longer. ]
You'll have to do that for yourself, now.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-20 01:04 am (UTC)Oh, you did. You kept me safer than anyone else ever could. You taught me how...
[Her voice cracks. Traitor. She clears her throat.]
I wish it was still you, but I can do it. All the things I've learned from you will keep me safe.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-20 02:05 am (UTC)Remember your promise.
[ To live, as long and as happily as she can. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-21 03:33 am (UTC)Yeah. You'd better recognize me still, Gustave.
[A year, nine, eighty. He'll forever be 32 while time passes for her.
The hand he kissed reaches out to brush her fingers over his cheek, the scruff of his beard. She has a hundred memories of her cheek against his, her hair getting caught. So many hugs and embraces and moments she'll continue to miss terribly.]
Did you know? I used to hate my red hair. I always wished it was brown, like yours. It made it obvious we weren't related.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-21 07:08 pm (UTC)You'd look cute as a brunette. But I like the red. Suits you.
[ She brushes her fingers against his beard and he smiles, turning his head a little into her touch. ]
Remember the time I shaved? First time you ever saw me without a beard, I think.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-22 12:20 am (UTC)[Her eyes are bright from tears, and now amusement. She runs her thumb against the scruff. The memory is as clear as yesterday. He had looked like a completely different man. And not in a good way.]
Oof. You walked down the stairs and scared me. Surprised I didn't start bawling, really.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-22 02:00 am (UTC)[ He's laughing now, for real, happy to play the fool and coax her into smiles and happier memories. He remembers it, too — how he remembers it, he doesn't know, but perhaps they're just her memories sifting in through the mind she's created for this dream — the way her eyes had locked onto him, startled, and then widened in horror. ]
It wasn't that bad.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-23 03:04 am (UTC)[Maybe, maybe not, but she laughs. The childhood he gave her made up for the years that came before. Her other hand lifts to press to Gustave's other cheek--sandwiching his face between her hands.]
Yeah. This is what I want to remember. You're always so... silly, despite everything. I think you made me laugh every single day we had together.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-23 03:24 am (UTC)It was easy. You could always find the fun in anything. All I did was... open the door for you, a little.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-24 01:46 am (UTC)More than a little. Give yourself some credit.
[Without him, she knows she would be a sorry shadow of the person she is now. She worries, somewhat, about what she'll become without him, but maybe if she keeps the memory of moments like these close to her heart, she'll be okay.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-24 12:33 pm (UTC)Oh, don't worry, I give myself plenty of credit. Clearly it was me and not Emma who was the better role model.
[ Absolutely not. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-24 11:24 pm (UTC)All those times I was supposed to be helping her with the chores and you would sneak me off to your workshop.
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